Netflix Reviews: The Asylum's "Nazis At The Center of The Earth."

Like most entries in my Netflix reviews this movie has a story behind it. This story is in regards to The Asylum. If you don't know what The Asylum is, I will explain. The Asylum is a film studio that is notorious for creating cheap "mock-busters" that have a title sounding like a popular film. When Transformers was released The Asylum released Transmorphers and when Battleship was released The Asylum released American Warships. Evidently, back when The Da Vinci Code was in theaters, The Asylum produced a film called The Code Conspiracy. And the similarities between these two films begins and ends with the fact that they have the word "code" in their titles. 

The Code Conspiracy is by far the worst film I have ever subjected myself to. It is the bane of my existence, and if you made me choose between having to watch Twilight or The Code Conspiracy for the rest of my life I would pick Twilight. It's that bad. The Geneva Convention should make the film illegal because it is cruel and unusual torture. It was enough to put me off of any and all Asylum films for, what I expected, all eternity.

However this wasn't the case. I found myself back in The Asylum. This time, with a film humorously titled: Nazis At The Center of The Earth.

However, I did not realize it was an Asylum picture until the studio's logo popped up on my screen. Even if I had known this was an Asylum film I probably would've given it a look regardless. I mean, come on, it's called Nazis At The Center of The Earth for heaven's sake! No self respecting internet film reviewer would pass up the chance to see this film! So, I prepared myself for the inevitable pain I had come to expect from an Asylum film and dove right in. And what I found was one of the most entertaining film I have ever watched.

Now don't mistake that last statement as being genuine praise. The film (which I will shorten to "Nazis" for the sake of brevity) is a laughable excuse for a film that you'd only find on syfy as an original movie. However, in spite of this, I found I genuinely enjoyed the film, in a way one genuinely enjoys getting hung by the ceiling by their nipples. 

The trick, I found, to enjoying the film, is to go into it knowing you're not looking for a high quality motion picture directed by, say, Christopher Nolan. No, you know you're in for tons of wooden dialogue delivered by people who are "actors" that were scribbled down by someone who shouldn't call himself a writer. You know you're going to see dime store special effects that belong more in a Playstation 1 game rather than anything resembling a film. When you expect this, and are still determined to make the most of the bad situation you're in, you can enjoy Nazis. 

The film takes place in Antarctica, and like most films that are set in Antarctica you know that if it isn't John Carpenter's The Thing you know it's going to suck. The thing that somewhat resembles a plot follows a group of scientists that make the ones in Prometheus look credible. These scientists, led by The Son of Busey (Jake Busey. Don't let the fact that The Asylum has a recognizable actor in the cast fool you into thinking this is an actual movie.) discover a lost colony of Nazis hiding deep within the earth who have plans to begin a new Reich with immortal and cybernetic soldiers. 

The first half of the film is your typical B-Movie setup. We get to know the mindless drones who will stand in for actual protagonists as they do science-y stuff and try to figure out why people are starting to go missing. It's all terribly dull, unless you make fun of the fact that some of these actors look like aliens in bad human costumes. It's really a testament to The Asylum's cheapness when their actors don't look any more realistic than their special effects. You also get to see Jake Busey attempt to be a mad scientist which is hit and miss, mostly miss. Had it been Busey Sr. I could've totally bought the character as a mad scientist. Though I have to hand it to the Son of Busey, he does at least try to act insane, which is more than I can say for the other actors. 

However, once the second act being and our "heroes" actually discover the titular Nazis at the center of the earth the plot picks up. There are plot twists and betrayals aplenty as some characters are revealed to be Nazi spies while others decide to join the Fourth Reich and betray their countries. It'd all be truly gripping stuff if this were an actual film. Anyways, the scientists, who are all medical doctors and biologists, apparently, even though I was under the impression they were all geologists considering that they were studying ice cores in the beginning of the film, are forced to help the Nazi's perfect their face swapping technology to keep themselves immortal (no I didn't just suffer a stroke, that is really what happens) as well as utilize experimental stem cell research to ( ...and I am dead serious about this no matter how awesome it sounds...

...are you ready for it? Because it is so awesome it might just make your head explode...)

resurrect Hitler's decapitated head in a giant robot suit!

This is actually WAAAYYY better than what you see in the movie, but still..

So, basically, this whole movie is the video game adaptation to Id Software's Wolfenstein 3D! This is where the movie really becomes awesome as Robo-Hitler stomps on aliens-posing-as-humans-posing-as-actors and leads the new Fourth Reich to take over the world in a giant flying saucer. Why this wasn't given a bigger budget I will never know...

Meanwhile, our "heroes" manage to take on the entire Nazi army armed with Nerf guns (in that the Nazis are armed with Nerf guns. I know because I have the same pistol that is the standard Nazi sidearm, apparently...)

My guess is the Fourth Reich's plans involve littering people's backyards with thousands of those whistling darts. 

Thankfully, the Air Force comes in to take out the Nazi's flying saucer, Robo-Hitler gets infected with a flesh eating disease and falls into the icy depths beneath Antarctica (where I have no doubt he meets the alien queen from the first AVP movie and they join forces to to exact revenge on humanity with Nazi-Xenomorph hybrids), and the world is safe from the threat of having to clean up any Nerf darts. 

All in all, Nazis is, at its best, a hilariously bad film. However, unlike other Asylum films I've subjected myself to over the years it's still an entertaining film. Considering the fact that for any film, be it a Hollywood blockbuster or an Asylum mockbuster, I at least expect to be entertained, Nazis At The Center of The Earth manages to be more entertaining than most films in theaters today. It's certainly not the best film ever made, not by a long shot, but I still managed to have fun while watching it.

Do I recommend it? Well that's a tricky one. I recommend it to anyone who enjoys riffing on terrible movies, but if you're looking for an actual movie I'd look elsewhere.

(Image Sources: Wolfenstein Hitler, Nerf Maverick Image)

Netflix Reviews: "Ink"

If there is a must see movie on Netflix, it is Ink. If I had to choose one movie in all the movies on Netflix for you to watch it would be Ink. This is one of those films that transcends being just another movie and is a genuine experience to behold. It is right up there with films like Lo as being one of the most memorable movies I have ever watched. It is original, simple yet complex at the same time, and at its core has an emotional anchor that manages to ground the fantastical elements in this movie and make them matter.

To call Ink one of the best movies I have ever seen is an understatement. To call it a masterpiece is like calling the Mona Lisa a painting. To put it simply: Ink is why I watch movies. Of all the gems on Netflix, Ink is the crown jewels. There isn't enough good things I can write about this film.

Of course, despite this movie being one of the best films I have ever seen, the particulars of how I came across it is rather ironic. Ink was put into my queue with the intention of riffing on what seemed like yet another lackluster science fiction fantasy movie. It didn't help that during my first time watching it I was actually going out of my way to riff on this movie in the most horrendous way possible. Of course, at first glance, Ink doesn't really have much going for it in the looks department.

Most of the special effects in this movie could be easily recreated on my bootlegged copy of After Effects. That isn't to say that the effects in Ink are terrible. On the contrary, they work for what the movie is going for and are actually rather imaginative. It's the simplicity that gives them its charm, even if they do appear cheap they work.

The biggest hurdle to overcome however are the makeup effects in Ink. While they aren't horrendous the titular character Ink has one glaring aspect that is bound to make anyone laugh at first glance. Ink has the largest nose ever created for film that looks like someone tried to recreate Mr. Burns' vulture-esque snout in real life. It was the crux of many jokes I made about this movie on my first viewing. However, as the story progressed and I began to learn about Ink's tortured past, the large nose became a part of the character and showed just how twisted Ink's spirit had become through self-loathing and despair. Once again, it worked because it made sense in the context of the story.

The story, in of itself, is the main reason why I love Ink. It is original yet simple despite its more mind-bendy ideas. The premise revolves around the existence of spiritual beings known as the Storytellers who bring good dreams to people as they slumber and provide them with positive emotions to help them live better lives. The Storytellers aren't alone, however, there is another group called the Incubi who are their polar opposites who spread despair and nightmares with their very presence. The battle between good and evil here is played out while we sleep with the Storytellers standing guard over us.

Into this world arrives Ink, a lost soul who has been twisted by despair and has become a force of evil who desires to become an Incubus in the hope that they can relieve him of his never-ending pain. In order to become one, however, Ink must kidnap the soul of a little girl and bring her to the Incubi. However, the Storytellers are hot on Ink's trail as they try to rescue the girl from his clutches. The only hope the little girl truly has, though, rests on the shoulders of her estranged father whom the Storytellers realize is her only hope to wake up from the nightmare world of the Incubi.

I won't go any further into the plot because I hope to have piqued your interest enough to watch this movie. Needless to say, Ink is a very unique film to behold.

The idea of the Storytellers and Incubi isn't so much as told to us as it is shown. The first scenes in the movie show us the basic rules of the world of the Storytellers and how they work. It is clear enough to visually understand that you really don't need exposition. That doesn't mean that there isn't exposition to help people understand. There is just enough for people to understand how this world works.

There are some aspects in the movie that are kept in the dark until you get much further into the movie. One example is the introduction of Jacob the Pathfinder. Jacob is a very interesting character because he comes off as a sort of Yoda-like character with an infinite amount of wisdom who is wrapped in a layer of crazy. He is effectively blind, shown via the electrical tape covering his eyes, but is able to sense what he calls "the beat of the world" which allows him to navigate and is also the source of his powers. However, all of this is left for the audience to make sense of as time goes on because there is no one in the movie to explain exactly what a Pathfinder is. It can be irritating at times though by the end enough is shown to understand. In the end, you come to like Jacob because he has some of the more interesting lines in the movie and is an integral part of one of the film's more memorable scenes.

However, the most important characters in the movie are Ink, the little girl Emma, and her father John. All three of which are skillfully portrayed. Then there is Leiv, a Storyteller who comes to Emma's aid and tries to understand Ink's motivations and dissuade him from delivering Emma to the Incubi. Their journey is the emotional heart of this film and the primary reason why it manages to be so successful.

Follow this up with some really well shot fight scenes that carry weight and drama behind them and you've got a movie that manages to stand up next to great science-fiction/fantasy films like Inception. While it may not have the same budget and spectacle like a film like Inception it has what matters: heart and emotion.

This is the only movie that has ever made me cry, and that is something to say after I watched Wall-E without shedding a single tear. I'm the kind of person who doesn't cry at the end of Old Yeller because it just seemed like the logical next step after a dog gets rabies. When I watch Titanic I'm angry, not sad, when Leo Dicaprio freezes to death because he didn't have the common sense to find his own piece of floating debris to sit on. So understand that when I say that Ink managed to make tears stream down my face and pull the cobwebby strings on my heart that that's saying something.

That is why I think Ink is one of the best films I have ever seen and that is why I recommend, no I demand that you put it in your instant queue.

Netflix Reviews: "The Stuff"

Yet another interesting gem you can find on Netflix. The Stuff is a fun sort of "invasion" movie that borrows numerous ideas from other films like Invasion of The Body Snatchers, Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory, and numerous others and mixes them together into a rather satisfying treat. This is a film that reminded me of the days I used to read R.L. Stine's Goosebumps books when I was in elementary school. It has a light heart for such a grim story, much like most of Stine's books, and reminds me a lot of the slime saga of books in the series. If you enjoy horror movies with an extra serving of campy goodness The Stuff is right up your alley.

While the poster may fool you into thinking this is a straight up horror movie it is much more than that. It is a goofy take on the story of Invasion of The Body Snatchers replacing invading aliens with the titular Stuff. There are numerous instances in the movie that are more camp that horror. Such as the inclusion of numerous hilarious advertisements for The Stuff as its popularity grows. However, it is Garrett Morris' "Chocolate Chip Charlie" who practically steals the show with his over-the-top performance which you can't help but love.

The premise is fairly straightforward with numerous sub-plots that come together as the movie progresses. To begin, a group of men discover a strange substance seeping from the ground that they discover is unbelievably delicious. Naturally, they start to sell the substance, which they simply call "The Stuff," and it becomes a national phenomenon. However, not everything about The Stuff is great, as our protagonists soon learn as it begins to gradually take people over.

The protagonists include David, an industrial spy sent to discover the secret behind The Stuff; Jason, a young boy who hates The Stuff for a very good reason; and the small band of people who help them reveal the truth about The Stuff to the world. However, the most memorable character in the movie, I found, was Chocolate Chip Charlie a junk food mogul who is so hilarious and over-the-top he's up there with some of the more memorable loony characters in film and television like Jack Sparrow and Cosmo Kramer.

The horror elements here, while being very 80's, are still fun to watch. The Stuff is a film where the more ridiculous the effects are the better they are. There are numerous effects shots that, while being horrendous, you can't help but enjoy for their clever implementation. There are some better effects in the movie, but not many, and I can't go into them for the sake of spoiling the movie. Needless to say, though, it's fun to see squibs explode that have been loaded with white yogurt instead of blood for a change.

However, it's not all horror and camp here. The Stuff actually manages to examine our culture's obsession with junk food and the ramifications of popularizing substances that, while tasty, aren't exactly good for you. While it doesn't take a genius to really see the subtext it still provides an interesting subject to ponder on as you munch on your bag of Doritos.

While The Stuff may not be appetizing to everyone, it is definitely a treat to watch.

Netflix Reviews: "The Darwin Awards"

Have you ever heard ridiculous stories about people and the hilarious ways they managed to kill themselves? Like the guy who willingly slammed through a window and fell to his death because he believed the window was unbreakable? Or the the experienced parachutist who forgot his parachute? Have you ever caught yourself thinking that the poor folks who are dumb enough to commit such mind meltingly stupid acts are actually helping improve the overall stock of the collective gene pool by removing themselves from it?

Well author Wendy Northcutt seems to think so! Northcutt is the author of the Darwin Awards and creator of darwinawards.com, which celebrate individuals who have died as a result of extremely ridiculous circumstances. These people and their stories have been seen on numerous shows over the years such as Mythbusters because some have taken on urban legend status. These stories have resonated so strongly that they even had a movie made about them which happens to be on Netflix for your viewing pleasure.

The Darwin Awards is a 2006 comedy film that stars Joseph Fiennes and Winona Ryder and is inspired by Northcutt's work and the stories they entail. The film also has some very entertaining appearances by actors like David Arquette, Juliet Lewis, Wilmer Valderrama, and even the Mythbusters themselves Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman. The film is presented as a documentary being filmed by a college student as he follows Fiennes' character, Michael, a detective who loses his job after failing to catch a serial killer because he faints at the slightest sign of blood. Michael struggles to get back on his feet and decides to use his detective skills and encyclopedic knowledge of the eponymous Darwin Awards to help an insurance company profile individuals who may fall under the category of a Darwin Award. After impressing the company he is partnered off with Winona Ryder, who represents the more sane half of the duo and they travel the country investigating numerous deaths that are unorthodox to say the least.

Most of these cases are ripped straight out of the Darwin Awards website and anyone who watches Mythbusters will definitely recognize a number of the cases the duo investigates. While the stories may be familiar to anyone who likes shows like Mythbusters, The Darwin Awards manages to add clever, and sometimes very dark, humor to these stories to make them seem more original. However, the cases are only a minor aspect in the film.

The primary focus of the film is about Michael and his obsessive nature which is the root to his obsession with the Darwin Awards. He meticulously plans out his routine and goes to extreme lengths to keep himself from becoming one of the many Darwin Award stories he finds so fascinating. Of course, his overly cautious nature usually backfires, and nearly does kill him, such as when he attempts to take a shower in a hotel bathroom and uses bungee chords to keep himself from slipping only to get himself stuck upside down. Winona Ryder's character, Siri, is always annoyed by Michael's obsessive nature and tries to get him to loosen up.

 There is also a sub-plot focusing on Michael's continued search for the killer he let slip away. Every so often we see him pouring over newspaper clippings tied to the case and the film actually shifts from the Darwin Award investigations to the murderer near the climax of the film. While I didn't really find this sub-plot to be as interesting as the Darwin Award stories, it's function within the story makes sense in context.

 There were numerous things I enjoyed about this movie, and some things I felt indifferent to.The documentary style of filming seems a bit unnecessary because the film isn't always filmed in the documentary style. There are numerous scenes that are shot traditionally, mainly when the story shifts to the actual Darwin Award stories, so the inclusion of the documentary style is a questionable one. However it does provide a number of hilarious scenes where, during moments where Michael and Siri are in trouble, the camera man will not help them because the rules of a documentary include non-interference. However, even then, this film is shot rather professionally and clearly.

 The acting is fairly solid. Joseph Fiennes comes off as a genuine odd ball with little social skills and pretty much carries the movie all by himself. Winona Ryder is, as always, Winona Ryder. I find that she never really changes much from character to character. The other actors do very well with what little screen time they have and managed to provide numerous laughs as a result.

 Overall this is a solid comedy. I enjoyed the grim humor and this film never stops being funny. There are numerous comedy set pieces to be found here that will keep you laughing. However, the best, and most hilarious, part of this movie is the inclusion of Mythbusters Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman. While I won't spoil to you what their role in the film is, needless to say it was a great pleasure seeing them appear, especially considering stories like the Darwin Awards are what they use to make their show. Their appearance alone assured that I would enjoy this movie.

 I enjoyed this movie, more than I expected, and I certainly recommend you add it to your queue.

Netflix Treasures: "Lo"

I'm starting something new for my new blog. I've been wanting to do something like this for a long time but haven't been able to until now. Netflix Treasures and it's antithesis Netflix Nightmares are part of a new review series I've set up where I find rare gems within the bowels of the Netflix repository of movies and give them a review highlighting the good and bad and whether or not you should watch them.

First on my list of Netflix movies to review is a true treasure: "Lo."

The story behind how I discovered this gem is part of the reason why I like this film. You see, it was Halloween 2010 and a friend and I have a tradition of watching a horror movie to get into the spirit of the holiday. After scouring Netflix for what seemed like a decade we stumbled onto a film simply titled "Lo."

The summary detailed the story of a young man who must enter the bowels of hell to save the woman he loves and faces demons trying to get in his way. This movie sounded like a truly epic story full of scares so we clicked the play button and watched the film unfold before us.

It started out rather simple. A young man with a spell book creates a circle which he uses to enter Hell. The beginning really isn't that spectacular in any visual sense, but it definitely threw us off balance considering what the synopsis had promised. The young man, Justin (played by Ward Roberts), is cast into a room of darkness with only the candles circling him to provide light. Demonic sounds permeate his trip into the underworld and are quickly silenced as he sits in darkness. A demon approaches him and it is revealed that this demon is the titular Lo summoned by Justin through the spell book.

Immediately my friend and I were hooked upon seeing Lo. The makeup effects used to create Lo are really great. He is a pasty, broken, shell of a creature that crawls on its stomach due to a crippling injury to its legs as "punishment" for an unknown crime. However, when Lo begins to converse with Justing things get screwy.

To put it simply: Lo is hilariously evil.

Like Christopher Walken's portrayal of Gabriel in the Prophecy films Lo comes off as a silver tongued monster with a snarky wit. He hilariously calls Justin "dinner" in order to threaten him and between genuine acts of horror and evil will remark with witty put downs that illicit laughter rather than horror. Essentially, evil is hilarious, and Lo is definitely evil.

This revelation really twisted our perception of the movie as it quickly turns into something akin to Evil Dead 2, and this isn't a surprise to a more eagle eyed viewer who may have noticed "Lo" is in the horror/comedy category. Lo is hilarious as Justin attempts to order the demon into doing his bidding. Lo, while reluctant to take orders from a puny mortal, seems more interested in scaring Justin into leaving Hell before he becomes dinner for Lo or some other demon.

Lo's character immediately sucks you in with his truly devilish charm. And when his threats don't deter Justin we are then shown "flashbacks" into Justin's past to explain the events that drove him to enter Hell. Upon seeing how these flashbacks are shown my friend and I couldn't help but laugh at the cheese factor this movie has. Essentially, flashbacks are set up on a traditional stage complete with a happy and sad face (played by real people) hovering over the scene. The sets look cheap but aren't out of place in a play. This decision definitely threw us off kilter as everything seems so corny and cheap, but the story being told is very important as we watch how Justin met April, the woman he is determined to free from Hell.

It is here my friend and I turned to riffing on the film as the level of corniness simply begged for it. However, as time went on the story dragged us in, while still being hilariously corny.

I will go no further in explaining the plot simply because you yourself have to watch "Lo" in order to find out. I say this because regardless of what I said previously about how corny the movie can get at times with it's theater play flashbacks, corny musical numbers, and somewhat corny makeup effects (for the other demons, Lo is the exception) "Lo" is really a magnificent tale of love and sacrifice that is undoubtedly inspired by the story of Faust (which is mentioned in the story as it progresses).

However, the film does have it's flaws. The acting can be very cheesy, if not down right childish, but as you get used to the theme of the film it becomes endearing. As stated before, it can be corny at some points, and it's very clear this was made with a very small budget (which makes the makeup effects for Lo even more amazing) but regardless it tells a very engaging story with plenty of twists that will leave viewers with plenty of stuff to think about for days. If anything, it should leave you entertained with the few musical numbers sang by one of the demons and his cohorts.

While I can't say this movie is for everyone, if you enjoy an original story that takes an original approach to things then this movie is really up your alley. For some it will come off as a silly independent film with cheap effects and a cheesy script, for others it will be one of the best stories ever told on screen.

To this viewer, and his friend, this is undoubtedly a Netflix Treasure worth adding to your instant queue.